How to Celebrate the Holidays in an Interfaith Family
Being part of a family that shares more than one faith can sometimes be tricky. Holidays are especially difficult, with different rituals and celebrations with which to contend. But there are ways to make celebrating the holidays not only easier, but happy and joyous!
Share Your Time
The first step toward a healthy interfaith celebration is to accept that you will be donating some of your time to a loved one’s beliefs. Of course, one of the most precious assets during the holiday season is time. Sure, money can get tight with the gift giving and food scarce while feeding extended family, but time becomes a commodity when you’re integrating multiple generations and customers.
For example, you may traditionally spend Christmas Day at church from sunrise to sundown. The time requires a serious commitment of, say, 12 hours. A loved one’s practice may be meditating at sunrise for an hour on the same day. The best move may be to start the day with your loved one’s ritual, and to end the day with your tradition.
Have Different Gatherings
It’s generally not a good idea to have everyone submit to a particular family tradition. Keep in mind that people usually don’t intend on overwhelming other people with their beliefs, but it can unintentionally happen for several reasons:
- There are more people of one belief than another
- There is only one person who believes in something different
- The “unusual” faith requires too much effort/coordination
- It is assumed that the people with the other beliefs will just go along with their beliefs
Most reasons, of course, are based on assumptions. A simple, but powerful way to respect everyone is to dedicate gatherings to certain beliefs. If New Year’s Day is a spiritual time for a loved one, make the time to celebrate and support his or her day. Many people wouldn’t blink at having a special gathering on, say, Christmas Eve, but the idea of New Year’s Day may seem unorthodox. However, when it comes to holiday gatherings, the point isn’t to do what only makes sense to you, but to help loved ones express their faith, too. In short, the holidays aren’t only about you.
Discuss Traditions Without Judgment
We can be intolerant of other beliefs because of ignorance and assuming. Ignorance literally means we don’t know something, while assuming is us thinking we know something when, in most cases, we really don’t. Both can cause a ruckus at your gatherings.
When you’re hosting an interfaith family get-together, chat with your loved ones beforehand to find out:
- What are their expectations?
- What are their traditions?
- What are their must haves?
It doesn’t matter how practical their answers are—there probably won’t be time to do everyone’s favorite rituals.
Instead, the conversation establishes two things. First, based on what people emphasize, you can tweak the holiday plans and focus on the truly important stuff. In other words, for your Jewish loved one, the dreidel may not be crucial, but the menorah is an absolute must. Second, and perhaps most importantly, it shows your friends and family that you truly care about their beliefs and that you are making a strong effort to make sure they are represented as much as possible. The intention alone will make your loved ones more cooperative, patient, and understanding than they would normally be.
Be Realistic (and Patient)
Most importantly, be realistic about your capabilities as a host and your loved ones’ tolerance for diversity. Aunt Edna might not get why your cousin’s new boyfriend wants to light candles, just like Uncle Allen may get miffed when no one’s ever heard of Festivus. There are a few ways to take it in stride.
Have a Creative Sense of Humor
People are going to be sensitive about their beliefs, but, if you do it carefully, creative humor can be a powerful anecdote to uncomfortable gatherings. Depending on how creative you want to be, you can find a fun, humorous way to include everyone in the celebration. Here are some ideas:
- Spiritual potluck: Have each person bring a funny or tongue-in-cheek dish or item representing his or her beliefs. If a loved one is Buddhist, he can bring lotus-shaped cookies to represent the meditative flower, and so on. It can be a tasty way to get to know another person’s beliefs—and could trigger some good conversations.
- Do caroling: Carols are often tied to Christmas today, but celebrations from non-Christian religious or spiritualties also incorporate singing. You can gather your musically-inclined loved ones and create a fun carol that blends the different ideas from your varied beliefs.
Remember Your Own Absurdity
One big commonality of nearly all spiritual beliefs: they all have strange customs. For instance, one popular religion requires you to cut down a living tree, put it in your house, and throw tinsel on it. Everyone’s traditions seem odd. The only reason they feel “normal” is because they are the ideas we were taught growing up. In short, try to be objective when you’re hearing about a loved one’s beliefs, even if they initially sound strange to you.
Know Why You Are Gathering
Why are your loved ones getting together? Your common spiritual or religious practices may be part of it, and, sure, you guys have been gathering at the same time annually for years, so tradition is part of it, too.
The ultimate reason you gather, though, is to spend time together. Your relatives and friends drive for miles and fly even further to spend time with you. Aside from weddings and funerals, the holidays are one of the few times when people travel far to reconnect and express their love to others.
No matter what the faiths you will be celebrating, keep the main focus—love—in mind and it will be much easier to keep the peace. Enjoy the holidays!
by Damon Brown
