Coping with a Diabetes Diagnosis: Telling Your Friends and Family
- In This Quick Guide:
- Where To Do It
- What to Say and How to Say It
- Telling the Kids
- Telling Mom and Dad
- Telling Your Friends
You may have had your partner, spouse, or friend with you at the doctor’s office when you received your diagnosis so he or she knows about your diabetes. But that still leaves many other people to tell—and finding the right time and place is important. Of course, a diabetes diagnosis is not the end of the world—the disease is very treatable and you can still live a full, rich life. But the news may be hard to hear for your parents, children, and even friends. Knowing what to say and how to handle each situation will make it less stressful for you and easier for them.
Where To Do It
Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Over dinner at a busy restaurant really isn’t it. How about a quiet dinner at home? You can use the food you’re eating as a good opening into discussing your condition.
What to Say and How to Say It
It’s important to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. What message do you want this person to receive: that you have a serious illness and are going to be sick; that you have a serious illness but one you can control; that you have a chronic condition that will mean some life changes, but most of them are actually good? Write down some talking points, and practice in front of a mirror or rehearse with someone.
Also remember you’re in control of the conversation. If the person you’re talking with starts asking questions that make you feel uncomfortable, you can stop the conversation right there. Simply say, “I’d rather not discuss that right now.” And, if you want the information about your condition to remain confidential, say so. Otherwise, you have no one to blame but yourself when the entire neighborhood learns about your disease and begins sending you sympathy cards.
Telling the Kids
How you tell your children about your chronic illness depends on the age of the child. If you have adult children, they have heard about diabetes and understand on some level what it means.
Don’t be afraid to be completely honest with them about how serious your condition is and the kind of treatment plan you need to follow. Although you might want to continue thinking of them as children, they are adults. And because your disease likely has a genetic component to it, they now have a higher risk of developing diabetes. You have an opportunity to set an example of the right way to live with diabetes, so if they are one day diagnosed with it, they won’t have to go through the fear and anxiety you did.
If your children are young, dole out information in small chunks they can understand. You might say something like, “Daddy has to make sure he doesn’t get too much sugar from his food.” Or “Mom has to watch what she eats so she doesn’t get sick.”
Realize that your diagnosis may frighten your child. So reassure her that you are not going to die and that with her help, she shouldn’t see much, if any, change.
One thing that might be particularly frightening to a child is seeing you give yourself a shot of insulin or even using a glucose meter to test your blood sugar. After all, needles are scary to young kids. So calmly explain that this is how you get your medicine and that it really doesn’t hurt very much.
Telling Mom and Dad
Telling your parents might be a bit more complicated. Whether or not to tell them and how to tell them depends on your relationship with them and their own health.
Most people with diabetes are diagnosed in middle age, so your parents might be quite elderly. Can they comprehend the information you’re giving them? Can they handle the shock of knowing that their child has a chronic illness? Will they drive you bananas with worry, constantly calling to “see how you’re doing?” If you aren’t sure they can cope with it, you might want to hold off on sharing the news.
But if you’re close to one or both of your parents, see them frequently, and include them in your life in a major way, you should probably tell them. Plus as the disease is genetic in nature, it’s quite likely your mom or dad may also be at risk for diabetes or insulin resistance (a kind of pre-diabetes). Sharing your experiences, creating new recipes, and joining in an exercise program together can make you all feel closer.
Telling Your Friends
You may be wondering why you even have to tell your friends about your diabetes. If you trust and care about them and they care about you, then you owe it to them to be honest. Plus, if you spend any amount of time with them, they might start to wonder why you’re losing weight, why you no longer order a glass of wine before dinner, or why you’ve stopped lunching at All Things Fried and began dining at Super Salads.
There are numerous other reasons to tell your friends:
- They might have diabetes, too, and no one understands what it’s like to live with this disease better than someone who already has it.
- They can help you stick to your healthy eating plan when you’re dining with them.
- They can serve as a walking or tennis partner to get you out exercising. It’s always easier to work out with a friend than alone.
- If they learn the signs of low blood sugar, they can serve as a warning system if you become hypoglycemic.
No matter how prepared we are, it may be a bit scary to have these conversations. Don’t worry, this is normal. Just remember that your loved ones can be a powerful weapon in your arsenal for dealing with your diabetes, and they want to help, so it’s important that they know what is going on. For more information about diabetes, see our Quick Guide, Coping With a Diabetes Diagnosis. Good health!
From The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Diabetes, Second Edition by Mayer B. Davidson, M.D., and Debra L. Gordon
